The Good, the Bad, and the Pumpkin: NFL Week 5 Buy or Sell
Orb Faithful,
Good afternoon and happy Monday! NFL Week 5 is wrapping up tonight as the Kansas City Chiefs face off against the New Orleans Saints in Arrowhead, the action is FAR from over. Want to know who the Orb is rolling with for Monday Night Football? Click here to find out!
It’s been a minute since our last Buy or Sell, but I’m back at it, breaking down what we’ve seen in Week 5 of the NFL. And since fall is officially here, I’m mixing in some seasonal vibes too. The concept is simple and brilliantly dumb: I’ll be buying or selling “stock” in players, teams, coaches, and anything else that caught my eye this week. What’s trending up? What’s falling apart? Let’s dive in.
First up: I’m making a massive buy on pumpkin-flavored donuts from Dunkin' Donuts. My waistline might go on strike because of these, but they’re just too good. The munchkins are solid, but the full-sized donuts? That’s where the magic happens. I’m not saying they’re fine dining, but if you don’t think they deserve a spot on the Mount Rushmore of fall treats, you’re kidding yourself.
Some of you might’ve expected me to sell pumpkin-flavored items, but let’s be real—these donuts are a seasonal game-changer. In fact, I’ll go as far as to say they should be a permanent buy and stick around all year. The rest of the pumpkin craze can come and go, but these donuts? Must stay.
Next up, I’m buying stock in Jayden Daniels of the Washington Commanders. Honestly, I’ve been left speechless watching this rookie command the offense. It feels like he’s already in sync with his receivers, and the scoreboard speaks for itself. In the last four weeks, the Commanders have racked up 136 points and are sitting atop the NFC East with a 4-1 record—pretty impressive for a team most people didn’t expect to see in this position.
What’s even more exciting is the solid supporting cast around Daniels. Guys like Zach Ertz, Austin Ekeler, and Terry McLaurin bring a wealth of experience and high-level play to the table. They’ve been in the league long enough to know what it takes to succeed, and that’s only helping this young QB thrive.
I’m all in on Jayden Daniels and this team’s momentum, but let me just say—if things go sideways and they don’t make the playoffs for whatever reason, don’t come after me! For now, I’m buying high and hoping the good times keep rolling for the Commanders.
Finally, I’m selling my stock in the Cincinnati Bengals. Not because of Joe Burrow, Ja'Marr Chase, or even head coach Zac Taylor. No, this sell is purely on their defense and special teams. They couldn’t stop a cold jar of honey from leaking. The Orb was on the right side of the Bengals-Ravens game, taking the Ravens to cover, but it was war. After a late Ravens fumble, I thought we were done. Then, in classic Bengals fashion, they missed the game-winning field goal, and Derrick Henry broke off a 51-yard dash into the red zone, setting up a game-winning and covering Justin Tucker field goal. Absolute madness.
Cheers to MNF!
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